I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
