I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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