ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
