sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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