i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
