I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
