there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
