I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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