Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
