I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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