You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
