Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
