omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
