She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
