he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
