if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
