My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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