Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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