I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
