Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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