As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
a search helicopter?!
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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