True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
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