Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
