im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
