Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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