i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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