you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
