Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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