I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize