is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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