her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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