Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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