not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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