it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
