My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
