Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize