Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize