I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
