10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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