So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Semen is not good for contacts.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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