i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
