marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
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