If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize