id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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