woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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