ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
