I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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