one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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