I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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