Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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