I wish I could teleport
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
