I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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