woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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