I think scott just propositioned me for sex
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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