i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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