can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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