well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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