No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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