im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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