I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize