We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
