If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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