you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
