Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
