Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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