Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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