you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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