it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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