I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
