Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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