So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
