Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
