Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
