so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
