Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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