My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
