I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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