Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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