i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
