my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
