can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
