this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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