Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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