I want to have your abortion
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
